Book Review: ApParent Privilege (by Steve Wright with Chris Graves)

I just finished reading this little hardcover with a funny title a few weeks back and wanted to review it for you.  ApParent Privilege was published in 2008 making it a recent addition to Christian parenting literature, and while there are probably better parenting books on the market, it is worth a read.  At just over 150 (small) pages, it is easy to read, with an average of 12-13 pages per chapter.  Steve Wright has been a student ministry pastor for over 20 years and brings both his professional and personal experience (he’s a father of three kids) to bear in this book.  Here’s the highlights and lowlights of ApParent Privilege.

Highlights:

The first chapter, “A Parent’s Concern: Are They Listening?” highlights the unquestioned influence that parents have on children.  Wright notes that common sense, research and, more importantly, Scripture emphasize the fact that parents are the primary shaping influence on their children’s spiritual development.  Contrary to popular sentiment, our children are listening to us and they want our guidance when it comes to life’s issues, particularly when it comes to matters of faith.  Wright goes on to remind us why our voice matters in our kids’ lives, because our words carry weight.  We need to be speaking into the lives of our children, particularly as they grow up in a society that seems to be increasingly shifting away from traditional, Biblical values.

In one of the strongest sections of the book Wright lays down eight foundations of Christian parenting: 1) Pray with and for our children; 2) Continually give our children back to God; 3) Embrace our God-given role as daily mentors; 4) Look for invitations to join God’s work; 5) Practice unfailing love; 6) Embrace a relational view of parenting; 7) Envision parenting as generational; and 8) Trust that God is growing parents, not just children.  In developing these eight practical principles Wright’s comments struck me as being both challenging and gracious.  One of Wright’s goals is to challenge parents to step up and take their parenting seriously, but his tone is not heavy-handed.  The title, after all, notes that parenting is a privilege!

Where Wright doesn’t pull punches, however, is when he critiques what I would call the “drop-off mentality” that many parents (and churches) take toward children and youth ministries.  Wright is a newer voice in a growing movement of Christian leaders calling for churches to reconsider how student ministry is approached in local congregations, advocating what many would call “family-based” children and youth programs.  Encouraging parents to take seriously their God-given role as daily mentors, Wright says on pages 83-84:

     “We live in a society that has become increasingly specialized in providing services.  You name it and you can pay someone to do it for you.  …Unfortunately, some parents and churches view children and student ministries in the same way—as a spiritual drop-off service best left to the professionals.  These parents think their only responsibility is to take their child to church and put him or her in a spiritual environment and the result will be a morally sound, young adult.  Then they are angry when things do not turn out as expected and demand an explanation from a pastor they barely know or may have never met.  What’s missing from this scenario?

     Nowhere in the Bible does it say that it is the church’s job to be the lone discipler of young people.  Instead, the Bible places the emphasis on parents.  Of course, the church should support and echo what the parents are doing, but it cannot and should not assume the exclusive responsibility to disciple children.” 

This sentiment is expressed in several places in ApParent Privilege, and though some might be put-off by Wright’s criticism, I can speak from almost a decade of experience working in student ministry that this phenomenon is very real and his critique is on target.

Thankfully, Wright doesn’t make the mistake that others make and advocate doing away with student ministries.  In fact, Wright remains a major proponent of the role of the church in family life, spending an entire chapter explaining why children and parents need the church. 

So, what can churches encourage parents to do in order to disciple their kids daily?  Wright offers seven suggestions to make discipleship happen in the home: 1) Family worship; 2) Praying as a family; 3) Serving as a family; 4) Passage trips (a special “rite of passage” trip marking the transition from childhood to adulthood); 5) Journaling (a journal full of life-wisdom passed on to children); 6) Journey days (another celebration involving family and friends marking a child’s transition from childhood to adulthood); and 7) Family dinnertime.  Again, while one may read these seven suggestions and think that Wright is a Puritan trapped in a 21^st Century body, nothing is further from the truth.  This section of the book in particular, rather than advocating rigid definitions of what ought to constitute, say, “family worship,”  is instead a gracious appeal for parents to apply the principles in a way that “works” for your individual family.

Lowlights:

There aren’t a whole lot of lowlights.  ApParent Privilege isn’t poorly written, but it isn’t terribly well-written either.  It’s standard, straight-forward prose.  By the end of the book I felt like Wright was repeating many of the same principles that he had already stated toward the beginning of the book.  While it is already a short book, it could have been shorter for this reason.  Wright also frequently cites statistics from recent studies to lend credibility to his arguments.  While statistics are helpful, in supporting his point Wright almost seems to appeal to statistics first and Scripture second, rather than the other way around.

Final Verdict: 

On a five-star scale, I’d give this book a four.  It isn’t terrible.  It isn’t fantastic.  It’s a little above average.  There are some good, practical principles and ideas and I like Wright’s emphasis on the primary role that parents play in their kids’ spiritual development, but the book doesn’t necessarily break any new ground.  If you don’t have many parenting resources on your shelf, it is worth getting a copy of ApParent Privilege to read, especially for time-constricted parents who can’t work their way through something more comprehensive.  But for those of you who have some good parenting books, you can probably skip it.